Since the 37-week pregnancy, I have been occasionally started to worry that the little one will comes not in a full term. Now, two weeks have been happily and peacefully passed. Little one seems sitting comfortably inside: following perfect sleeping and moving alternation schedule. However, the uncertainty is gradually increased since the start of 39-week, because she might arrive in any moment then, or overdue which is another worrying situation.

Emotionally, her arrival will be the moment to really start another unknown life, although I have been prepared for about 9 months already. When little one is still part of inside you, I do not think I will know what it will be like when she is truly here. I am happy with the lifestyle I had before, although somehow I do feel something is missing. I do not know what exactly it is. It might be a habit of overlooking the life what you have already or not have. I do not wish to have everything, but maybe certain things in certain moments. To be honest, I have not imagined that I could be a mom-type, but I do believe I could be a good one, even most my friends are convinced. That is definitely contradiction between what you want and what you can. I might want to have my own kid, no matter how happy I was with my life. That is something I have been sure for long time. Only I prefer to have in a later age, if that is successful. Whether you can be a mom in certain time in fact is quite uncertain, with ticking biological time. As a medical scientist myself, I believe good healthy condition regardless certain female fertility age, but also odds. Meanwhile, left all these scientific evidences or possibility out, to have a baby is not only a biological result. I believe the soul and spirit of a human being, and something it could be a very precious little beautiful gift. Therefore, I have a very mixed mentality about having a baby, or your own kid.

These 9~10 months pregnancy for me, it is a learning process to know my physical body and the deep feeling with myself and new born. I know that I have gradually fallen in love deeply with this little one, since the moment I knew she is there. Occasionally, I felt a bit overwhelmed about the unknown changes for myself and responsibility for someone who is so tender and fragile. In the different stage, I know I wish she could be healthy and happy with whatever I could do. That is probably biological or instinct bonding with the little one. By the time goes time, the love is getting stronger. Life is full of surprise, or just a little sweat candy, depending on how you could like to taste it.

In the past weeks, I have developed the so-called “nesting” behavior, but I realize that is also possible because I feel the uncertainty. With an almost done to do list, full of tasks for preparation or things I could do for myself, I just cannot stop to think or refresh myself daily. Rather than “nesting”, I am actually a bit afraid. I have read several well written articles about how devastating and hurtful parents lost their loved kid; about mature adult could not develop the maternal instinct. I also have been touched by amazing videos of new born, and I feel strong affection which I seldom felt before. I have enjoyed to gently massaging my nice belly, talking and singing to little one, asking father to read story to her when she is awake……I do not know when exactly we will finally meet her, maybe in two days, this weekend, or next week? I know I love to finally meet her, with plenty of joy and care.

When colorful autumn arriving this year, we could not go anywhere freely as we want, just like last year. But thanks for the little one, I have also spent amazing relax and happily months. Instead, this year, we have received the best quality chestnut. With a bit mixed up, it becomes a super delicious banana chestnut cake. I could not be happier about how it is teased like: fruity and nutty, warm and sweat. The best treat for the season.

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(p.s. cake and photos from leee)

Original inspired receipt – Brilliant banana loaf , and seasonal food – chest nut